Don't Mess with the Future or You'll Create Time Paradoxes!
by Nettik
Summary: In which Sougo "accidentally" receives a new purple bazooka.


**Don't Mess with the Future or You'll Create Time Paradoxes!**

Summary: Gintama x KHR! crossover - In which Sougo "accidentally" receives a new purple bazooka.

In other words, Sougo gets the TYL bazooka by accident after Byakuran messes with the different universes.  
Main focus is on Gintama, with some KHR! at the end. Enjoy!

* * *

It was a normal (jobless) day at the Yorozuya, with Gintoki lounging on the couch as he read the newest issue of Jump. Shinpachi had been cleaning when the doorbell rang and the alien mailman dropped off a large box with their usual mail.

"Package for you, Gin-san."

Gintoki leapt at the box with glee. "Ah! It must be the new special edition branded chocolates I ordered! Come to me!" He tore at the packaging with enthusiasm.

Shinpachi sighed. "More chocolate, Gin-san? What about my paycheck? Or this month's rent?"

Gintoki hand-waved his concerns aside. "Trivial issues when compared to my need for sweets." He resumed his ripping apart of the box. Shinpachi frowned as he looked at the box again. It was a pretty big box, measuring at least a couple of feet in length, but very narrow.

"Gin-san, isn't that box a little too big for just chocolate?" Shinpachi had a horrid thought. "What if it's another bomb sent by Katsura-san to persuade you to join the Jouishishi again? I don't want another repeat of chapter 5!" It was for good reason that Shinpachi had become paranoid of strange mailmen and weird packages.

"Nonsense! And it's episode 5 if you're following the anime," Gintoki said, humming as he finally tore off the wrapping paper and tape. "Gin-san always orders a lot of chocolate!"

Shinpachi couldn't shake off his unease when he realized that the wrapping paper was, for some odd reason, decorated with marshmallows. He shook his head as he turned around to finish his cleaning. They would pay for their carelessness later, he knew for sure.

Gintoki rummaged around in the packing peanuts before he finally found what he was looking for. He pulled it out with a triumphant laugh, only to stop short.

"Oi."

"Yes, Gin-san?"

"What the hell is this?"

Shinpachi resisted the urge to hit his head on the wall until he passed out from blood loss. "Isn't it the chocolate that you wasted our last two paychecks on?" Shinpachi turned around, only to stop in horror.

"Pattsuan, call the aliens to take this back."

"G-Gin-san... is that a bazooka?"

Gintoki clucked his tongue in disappointment. "It is. It's _purple_ too."

"Did you order one?"

"Hell no. Must have been a mistake. How could the mail carrier have sent this to me? It was probably meant for the Shinsengumi, those bastards. Thieving cops, give me back my chocolate!"

Gintoki grumbled some more as he put the strangely colored bazooka back into the box and taped it closed. "It must be part of Okita-kun's weird fantasies." A strange looked passed over Gintoki's face though when he took another good look at the bazooka. "Hmmm, this reminds me of something from Jump... what was the manga called - Ribon? Reboyama?" He shook his head and sighed as he stood up and picked up the box. "Wait here, Shinpachi. I'll be back in ten minutes."

"You're going to give it back yourself?"

"Of course, I need to get back my chocolate! I spent a lot of money on that, you know!"

* * *

"It's weird," came a scared whisper.

"What is?" came the confused, but equally scared, reply.

"Okita-senpai hasn't tried to kill the Fukuchou yet," the whisper explained. "It's been three days since his last _'Die, Hijikata!'_"

"Didn't you hear? Okita-senpai's Kiku-ichimonji RX-78 and his bazooka were damaged in the last fight against Katsura. He's still waiting for the replacements to arrive."

An ominous aura suddenly appeared, and the two new recruits split apart with a horrifying shriek.

"We're sorry, Okita-senpai!" they screeched, trembling in fear. Even a Sougo without his bazooka or katana was still dangerous, but Sougo ignored them and continued walking past, mood worsening as he continued hearing the whispers. He slammed open the door.

"Ah, Sougo! Good to see you!" Kondou said, smiling. "You look like you're in a good mood!"

"Kondou-san," Sougo mumbled in greeting.

Kondou grinned. "Well, I'm sure you'll feel better when you see... this!" With a flourish, Kondou presented a giant box. It was wrapped terribly, but a little part of Sougo perked up when he recognized the shape of the box.

"It's here already?" Sougo asked, walking forward to receive the box from Kondou.

"It's just the bazooka, the katana should be arriving from Tetsuko anytime this week."

"Hm." Well, having a bazooka was better than having no weapon. Sougo frowned, however, when he held it up. "Ah?"

"Something the matter, Sougo?" Kondo asked.

"No, it's just that it feels lighter than usual," Sougo answered as he set the package down on the floor and began opening the box.

"Maybe it's a new model?" Kondou suggested.

The door opened again, and Hijikata walked in with a cigarette in one hand and a stack of papers in the other. "Kondou-san, the reports are in, Yamazaki's bringing the other half later, and... Sougo, what the _hell_?"

Kondou burst out laughing as Hijikata snickered. "Oi, oi, Sougo! I knew you had some weird kinks, but still, this is too much!"

"Oi. I didn't order this," Sougo muttered darkly as he lifted the bright purple bazooka from the box. It was surprisingly light, far too light for something so big. "It's like a toy."

Kondou inspected the box. "Maybe it was sent to the wrong house?"

Hijikata snorted as he set the stack of papers down next to Kondou. "How many people do you know order bazookas sent to their home?"

Sougo rummaged around in the box. "Are these supposed to be the ammo?" he asked as he held up a bright, spiky pink ball in his hand. Kondou pulled out a piece of paper from the contents of the box and, after reading it, laughed even louder.

"You might want to read this," Kondou said.

_Ten Year Bazooka_, it read._ Whoever is hit by this bazooka will switch places with their ten-years-later self! I hope you enjoy your present!_

Hijikata was enjoying the look of murder on Sougo's face (that for once wasn't directed towards him) when the door slid open again, and Yamazaki walked in with the rest of the reports. He tried to ignore the strange situation before him and was about to set his own stack of papers down when he looked at the box and recognized it. "Ah, Fukuchou. That package was dropped off this morning. One of the new recruits said that the person who dropped this off came on a scooter and had a white perm. He left with a large box of chocolates."

Sougo stopped at that, and a strange smile spread on his face. "Aaah, so it was Danna who gave this to me."

* * *

Gintoki, Shinpachi, and Kagura were walking outside, enjoying the results of their latest job which had given them enough money to buy food for the next week and maybe even pay off last month's rent.

"So, Gin-san, whatever happened to that bazooka?" Shinpachi asked, ignoring Gintoki's cries as he pocketed half of the money so he could pay Otose-san later.

Kagura stopped in confusion, sukonbu dangling from the corner of her mouth. "Bazooka?" she parroted.

Gin-san grumbled as he pocketed the other half of the money and munched on his dango. "Don't know. I gave it to a nameless extra and left with my chocolate."

"Hey, Gin-chan. What bazooka?" Kagura asked, pulling on Gintoki's sleeve.

"It was just a weird package that came in the mail," Gintoki said, shrugging. He stuck his finger in his ear. "Nothing else to worry about. Anyways, we should get home before the TV drama starts-"

"Danna, watch out!" came a cry.

Shinpachi turned around. "Eh? That sounded like Yamazaki-san."

"Hah?" Gintoki turned around, his finger now stuck up his nose. His eyes widened when he saw the Shinsengumi police car zooming towards him, and a smirking Sougo aiming the bright purple bazooka at him. "OI OI OI WHAT ARE YOU DOING-!"

Shinpachi and Kagura screamed as bright pink smoke engulfed Gintoki.

"Gin-chan!"

"Gin-san!"

The police car screeched to halt beside the duo, and Sougo hopped out, eyeing the pink smoke with interest. Yamazaki fell out of the driver's side, shouting apologies like "_Okita-senpai made me do it!_" and "_I had no choice_!" and "_Anpan_!"

"You bastard!" Kagura roared as she snatched Sougo by his collar and held him up. "What have you done to Gin-chan!"

"Testing out my new weapon," Sougo said casually, as if his feet weren't dangling off the ground by a few inches. "It was a present."

"What kind of present is that?!" Shinpachi screeched. "Was that the bazooka that was sent to our place?! I can't see Gin-san anywhere through all this smoke! Gin-san? Gin-san! If you're still alive, answer me!"

"Oi oi," came a lazy voice. "What's with all the commotion? Gin-san was just relaxing reading his Jump… ah? What happened to my couch?"

"Gin-san!" Shinpachi cried in relief, then stopped. _Couch?_ "Gin-san, we're outside, what couch?"

"Ah, Megane, is that you? I can't see anything through this smoke. Eh, why does this situation ring a bell…?"

Okita 'tsk'ed. Kagura heaved him up higher. "You were aiming to kill Gin-chan, weren't you!"

"Of course not," Okita said calmly. "I really was just testing it out, but it seems like there was no difference."

"Difference?" Shinpachi shrieked, his voice lifting an octave. "What was that bazooka supposed to do to Gin-san!?"

"Sadist, I'm going to kill you!"

"It was somewhere on a paper… ah, wait here it is." Okita took out a crumpled paper from out of his jacket. "This bazooka, when fired upon a person, will cause the person to time travel and switch places with his ten-year's older self."

There was a beat of disbelief before Shinpachi laughed. "You must be joking, Okita-san. There's no such thing as time travel."

"Yet there are aliens and samurai running around in the same era?"

"Besides, Gin-san sounds the same. Right, Gin-sa—GIN-SAN!"

"Oiiii, stop with all the shouting," came the voice again. "You guys are interrupting my Sunday morning." The smoke finally dissipated.

Gintoki was standing there, frowning as he picked at his nose. He looked entirely the same, save for a rather strange looking edition of Jump that toted the arrival of new mangas they'd never before heard of or seen. His face suddenly lit up with realization, however. "Ah, is this that time where Okita-kun gets the strange bazooka? It is, isn't it?" Gintoki grinned as he waved. "It's great that they finally created a time machine! I'm Gin-san, ten-years older!"

Shinpachi blinked. "Ehh? Ten-years older? B-but you look..."

Gintoki clicked his tongue at their surprised and confused faces. "What were you expecting, ah? A really old Gin-san? Some sort of mysterious plot where a nano-virus disease kills one-third of the Earth's population?"

"Um, yes?"

Gintoki sighed as he shook his head. "Have you forgotten? We live in Sazae time!"

* * *

**Somewhere in another universe:**

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! This isn't the purple bazooka! It's a real one!"

Everyone for miles could only hear screaming as the Vongola mansion burst into flames. Chunks of debris flew through the air as explosion after explosion rocked the house, and Tsuna wanted to cry when he thought of how long it was going to take to repair the mansion after this. They'd only just finished repairs after Hibari's own fight with Mukuro had demolished the entire north wing!

"Stupid cow!" Gokudera roared as he chased after the 5-year old. "Stop shooting the damn thing!"

"Go away Stupidera!" Lambo cried, and Gokudera narrowly dodged the next shot that blew another hole in the roof.

"Hahahaha! This is so much fun, Tsuna!" Yamamoto said. He swung his sword and somehow managed to hit a homerun with another rocket-propelled grenade. The grenade, instead of exploding, soared through the (already broken) windows and exploded in the trees, causing a fire.

"This is EXTREME!" Ryohei laughed as he suddenly appeared right behind Lambo. A flicker of hope sparked in Tsuna's chest, but it was extinguished just as quickly when Ryohei's shout instead startled Lambo into turning around and firing a shot right at Ryohei.

"Onii-san!" Tsuna shouted as he ran towards the pile of rubble. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Ryohei popped out, grinning from ear to ear like the blast had been nothing.

"Ooooh, this is an EXTREME CHALLENGE!" he shouted, and sped off in what he clearly thought was another game with Yamamoto.

Tsuna wanted to kill himself when Hibari suddenly appeared with a chuckling Mukuro behind him.

"Fufufufu, Tsunayoshi-kun. How interesting. Is that a real bazooka the Bovino is carrying?"

"Herbivores," Hibari growled, brandishing his tonfas. Lambo screamed and scurried off, setting off another round of explosions. "You're disturbing the peace... I'll bite you all to death!"

In the end, it took hours to finally soothe Lambo into giving up the bazooka. Tsuna himself had to chase his guardians away just so he could get Lambo to stop crying. When Tsuna took the bazooka from Lambo, he nearly dropped it again in surprise by how heavy it was, and had to admit that Lambo was rather strong for his age. It was after the entire thing was over and when they began repairs (again) that Tsuna began to wonder exactly where the giant bazooka had come from... and where Lambo's purple bazooka had gone.

"I only hope nothing bad happens from this…" Tsuna groaned as he sunk into his chair and leaned back. Instead of the roof, all he saw was the night sky. "Thank god Reborn is on a trip or else I'd be—"

"Or you'd be what, Dame-Tsuna?"

Tsuna gulped as he turned around. He chuckled nervously at the sight of his teacher standing there, Reborn's finger casually lingering on the trigger of his gun.

"Ahahahaha… hello, Reborn," Tsuna greeted with a growing sense of dread. "What a surprise to see you back so soon!"

He wanted to die. He wanted a hole to open up below him and swallow him up. Tsuna wanted to drop dead when he saw the mountains of paperwork Reborn wheeled in after the entire disaster.

In the midst of it all, a little note attached to a bag of marshmallows sitting on Tsuna's desk went unnoticed.

It read:  
_Dear Tsunayoshi-kun,  
I hope the Bovino enjoys his present, I got this from another dimension. Isn't it interesting? Oh, and don't worry, you'll be seeing the purple bazooka soon enough!  
Byakuran._

* * *

**Something short I came up with. Honestly, I'm surprised this hadn't been written yet, I thought for sure someone would cross over these two series using bazookas! (Unless, of course, someone did write this scenario before and I just haven't seen it yet). Sorry for any inconsistencies, it's been awhile since I last wrote anything. If you haven't noticed, I really like Gintama, so it's much easier for me to write the Gintama side than the KHR! side. **

**I hope you enjoyed this crossover!**


End file.
